Please accept my heartfelt apologies.

I was certainly unaware that there were that many four letters words that substituted for male membership.

I can only think of two.

Yes, I really must take a trip to Austin. It does sound like a very wonderful place.

Despite the heat. Presumably it’s humid too, so tough to play golf in?

Thank you very much for joining this little pool party.

BTW, I’m from Austin (no, really) and it IS fascinating here, and WAY TOO HOT. We stay in the pool or the AC – I can confirm it to be true. This month it’s been close to 100 degrees every day – a treat usually reserved for August and September.

Since you so kindly invite me to call when in SF, I will happily do so. Your phone number appeared conveniently right beside your name when I googled you – seriously dude, is this a good idea? I’m assuming you approved this astonishing lapse in privacy? In these days of mad stalkers and serial axe murderers, most of whom live in your immediate area? But, on the other hand if they will call before appearing on your doorstep I guess it’s ok, and very polite. You’ll have time to fix up a tidy tray of cheese and crackers, open a nice bottle of red, lay in tourniquets and medical supplies, and alert 911 before they arrive.

Oh I see. You aren’t going to actually drain the Pond? This is good news, indeed. While I enjoy your alter ego’s musings over on c-net I find it not quite silly enuf for my extreme silly and shallow tastes. Altho the idea of hissing at solar cars did catch my attention. It’s odd, but here in Solarland, where the sun blisters 24/7, there are NO solar cars – none. We all still drive Cadillacs, Hummers and Jaguars. A Texas thing.

My blog, huh? Well I’m still considering whether to go public. My closest friends and relatives say it is way too personal and way too derisive and hyper-critical. They fear for my literary safety. But, because this opinion is unanimous, I may just go ahead and publish – maybe. I’ll let you know – I’m sure you are just panting at the prospect. It’s lurking there, marked private, but waiting and wanting to escape. (I tend to blog when cranky and irate.)

Following is travel/tourist info for your upcoming visit to Austin. It’s long, so just print it out, fold, and carry with you as a sorta insane travel brochure.

Oh well, since you’ve never been, you must head off to Austin at once. You should stay downtown in one of the cool old hotels.

Of course you must go to the UT bookstore on campus under the stadium and buy yourself several burnt orange ball caps identifying yourself as a Longhorn fan. Once back in CA. wear this cap at your own risk cuz you will be accosted constantly by complete strangers coming up to you in the most unlikely and far flung places, with outstretched hand, saying insane things like “Howdy friend! How ’bout them Horns?” The attention is such that you must constantly recall what’s on your head or else you’ll think you forgot your pants.

Me and Mr. Husband, wearing his UT cap (and his pants), were in Alberta basking in the spectacular beauty of peaceful and serene Lake Louise when we started hearing whistles and howls coming from a passing canoe, echoing off the lush purple mountainside. You guessed it, some good ole boys from Texas, who apparently can spot a burnt orange cap from 1/2 mile away. It’s actually rather endearing. Texans are absolutely the friendliest people alive and always assume you just can’t wait to chat with them. (If they say anything about your “funny” accent just tell them you’re from NORTH Texas.)

Next you must go to the far North side of Austin and eat at Margarita’s. Altho I must tell you once you cross the border into Texas you can get excellent Tex-Mex food and fabulous Margaritas just about anywhere. Eat lots of this rare food, you can go back to sushi and veggie pizza when you get back.

Then there’s “the drag” (6th & 7th Sts.)where they “encourage weird”. You’ll just have to experience it on your own with no spoilers from me. Wine bars are literally thru every other door, and the variety and quality of music will astound you.

The capitol building is a must see – it was purposely built a couple of feet taller than the US Capitol building in DC – gives you an idea of the mentality here – and the ceiling looks like the Sistine Chapel, only with cowboys instead of naked cherubs.

Have fun! And don’t forget the bats. Congrress Ave bridge every evening – follow the crowds. Sounds hokey but the sheer numbers amaze. I expect a full report! Yee-haw!

YOU have a blog? why have you not directed me to this august establishment?

I have never been to Austin. This is what fascinates me. There are a few places that, in my mind, still do.

You must call when you’re in the Sf area…I need to warn the troops.

I sent you an extremely funny, interesting and beautifully written comment (I can say all that cuz it’s lost out there in cyber space) but inadvertantly typed in one of my aliases in the required name field, so in technical terms, it was a “no go” .

Anyway, the upshot is that I’ve so enjoyed our little chats and will miss you now that you’ve jumped the pond and moved on to c-net. I’m not sure I can offer comments with my usual skill and profound depth on a site whose name includes the words “technical” and “correct” as I am not, in any possible sense of the words, either.

And so, I will bid a fond farewell, wish you good traveling to Austin – one of my fav places in the world – and good luck with you new endeavor.

I will be watching and reading, tho – in fact I must say I’m still snorting re your take on Net Flix’s astonishing assumption that they are able to know and find “people like you”.

Should you ever wish a somewhat twisted take on the eventual birth of “THE TWINS”, or when (not if) Brittany goes off her meds and devours one of her young, I am, as ever, available.

Oh, and Pond, cool picture, but next photo shoot do take off the sunglasses. Like a stray approaching a Old English Sheepdog, how will we know whether you’ll bite if we can’t see your eyes? Toodles

I will check out news.com’s Technically Correct and you may be sure that I will offer my totally unsolicited but frank opinon of you efforts – if possible. Being neither technical nor correct I may falter here.

Sad to see you jumping the pond, tho. I will miss your clever postings and our charming inability to stay on topic. I was complaining on my blog just today that you were ignoring me, but then granted you total absolution because you are such a busy fellow.

Yep, Austin is a very fun and interesting place. Many of my friends went to school there, and every single chance I got I’d sneak away from my highly restricted Catholic university dorm and head to Austin and the biggest party school in the world.

Austin is an odd mix of old west ambience and conservative, old oil money, red necks and music lovin’, football playin’ freaks, with just about as many liberal academics, old hippies, artists, politicians, and middle class families. Oh yes, and BATS! It’s like a bizaare little melting pot. What’s your favorite thing about Austin? What or who is it there that facinates you, Pond?

I’ll arrive non invasively in Seattle on June 18, and depart from San Jose on July 1. And other than those two dates in those two cities I have no idea when I’ll be where. Mr. Ken Doll Husband, who never wears pieces from his own clothing line, btw, plans all our vacation adventures in such great detail it’s some work to keep on schedule. So, in rebellion, I am, in the words of Tom Petty, “free falling” down the West Coast for two weeks with 3 of my favorite people.

Loosely planned stops after leaving Seattle are: Columbia River Gorge Resort in S. Oregon; Weaverville and Mt. Shasta area in N.Cal. (Bigfoot country ya know)where relatives have an orchard with several cabins; San Jose – more relatives; and San Francisco where my oldest friend lives in a converted warehouse that offers views of the SF skyline from his roof.

Well, then, toodles, my friend. I do hope we’ll chat again. I cannot imagine not sharing snarky remarks when “THE TWINS” actually arrive, or when Britany Spears goes off her meds and eats one of her young, or if John McCain is actually elected President. Best of luck in your new endeavor!

Hot couple, huh? So, like, you’re the local drug dealers?

My trip to Austin was supposed to be mostly pleasure. I have always been fascinated by the place.

I have been a little busy. I am now live, I believe that’s the technical term, on news.com. With something called Technically Correct..

http://news.cnet.com/technically-incorrect/

as usual, I have no idea what I’m writing about..and this probably shows.

I don’t know how much time I will have for the Pond in the near future, what with all the other things I try to do. we will see.

when precisely will you be invading the Bay Area?

Well, it depends on WHY you’re coming to Austin, and if you can manage to hide inside cool air conditioned homes and cars during the day and only go out at night. If this is a trip to hear some good music and/or see a girlfriend, then by all means fly on down, but do not go out in the noon day sun, Pond, even tho you are an Englishman.

But everything is cheap here in DFW, Pond, by California standards. You can get an upscale 3500 sq ft house w/pool on a golf course for under 400K, or a lakefront condo for under 200K on any of the area’s 30 or so lakes. Also a country club membership is usually 10K, or you can buy one from a departing/departed member for even less – with no mowing involved. All my West Coast pals are continually amazed at how much our dollars will purchase here.

But it’s not very scenic here, Pond. No sweeping mountain vistas, lovely Redwood forests nor cool, misty rock strewn beaches (I cannot wait to get there – in only 16 days!) .

Unless one goes to the Piney Woods area of E Texas, the Hill Country in and around Austin, or the shores around Corpus Christi and S.Padre Island, it’s pretty unappealing, scenery wise, and hotter than hell for 3 months a year. So mostly it’s people from Milwaukee and Chicago who move here and live cheaply in DFW.

(feel free to skip the following topography report)
Of course for the last coupla hundred years the locals have endeavored to turn this prairie into a forest, with good results. And, large stands of indigenous Post, White, and River Oaks are everywhere, along with a zillion Cedars, Bois d’ Arc and Mesquite Trees. And contrary to popular belief, there are lotsa lakes and rivers here, and many creeks and streams gurgle happily along thru the trees. So, it’s much nicer here than say, Oklahoma.

(Facetiousness Alert!) Mr. Prize and I are, in fact, a very”hot” couple, according to our pals and my mirror. I’m hotter than he, but after I dress him in his flowing pastel linen shirt, fashionably wrinkled white linen slacks and those woven leather Italian sandals, well, then he’s up to scratch.

Really, cooking? Is it that you’re tired of eating alone in restaurants, Pond? Remember, you’ll still be eating alone at home. But if you can get Maria Brazil to clean up after you’ve destroyed the kitchen, that’s one point in favor of cooking.

But, really, Fish ‘n Chips, we gotta find you a woman to dine with. I’ve suggested before that you go forth to the bar and just stand and pontificate in the middle of the room – did ya try that? American women do love a nice British accent – you don’t sound like Clive Owen, do you? I hear him saying stuff but I can’t catch a single word. Anyway, when the women began to gather round you, have printed anti-marriage disclaimers to hand out, and voila, you’re in the dating pool.

So, how can you learn to cook, quickly? You can’t. It’s a process, long and involved. Do not tell anyone, Pond, or I’ll deny it, but I actually used to cook. I’d give you some of my old recipes but I know you don’t want to cook Southern style do ya, Sugar? Fried okra, creamed corn, mashed taters, buttermilk biscuits and fried chicken w/cream gravy?? And of course Parker Country Peach PAH (that’s Texan for pie) with Blue Bell Double Vanilla ice cream for dessert, washed down with sweet blackberry iced tea. I know it sounds good, but you will die immediately after eating.

So, then, why not watch Rachel Ray? I think I’ve noticed she has some cooking show currently on the telly. I don’t believe it’s mandatory to wear radical Muslim warior scarves while cooking, as she does, so don your non religious/political, unattractive apron and turn on that little TV in the kitchen, and go for it! (Hit the “record” button so when you screw up you can replay and see where you went wrong.) And buy only T-Fal pots and pans, (available at Macy’s). See, I’m helping, right? Oh, and, get a new fire extinguisher, Pond. I would hate to have to find someone new to annoy if you went up in flames.

i was not defending sad old men at all. jackasses is a very fine term. i was merely describing the ladies about whom you are so splendidly, clintonially defensive.

Painful cougar experience? oh no, not I. truly.

art boys? once they’d had a few drinks, i’m not sure they really looked.

i’m sorry, but i really do need to learn to cook. i do get fed up of resaturanting all the time.

i can see that you and your husband are very good at inspiring heat in all that surrounds you. i shall not ask the obvious questions, but merely will admire the concept.

now I did look up that trophy club and noticed that the alleged membership is under $10,000. my, how do they keep up the facilities on such a small fee?

or do you mow the 18th green once a week?

so austin in october, huh? Oh, it can’t be that bad right now, can it?

how many retirement villages do I know?

Hey, how about none, my sweet?