How to solve the problems of some of the world’s finest artists

Here in the Pond, we tend to look up to those with talents far greater than our ability to swallow a stray breadcrumb floating on the water.

And while so many news organizations seem overly concerned with crashing stock markets, might we be the first to suggest that the real crisis is in the artistic sphere?

Britney Spears is fighting for custody of her two very white-toothed children. Angelina Jolie is fighting to maintain the unbreakable bond of her personal relationship. And Amy Winehouse, who is apparently not entirely averse to fighting, is rushed to hospital with exhaustion. Those London fumes can really get to you, can’t they?

What surprises me is that these icons are so unwilling to help each other.

Britney surely wants to shed her bottoms far more than she wants to wipe them. So couldn’t she hand her children over to Angelina? Ange could give them the care these children truly deserve and a father figure far more God-like than Feder-like.

Ms. Spears could then create a support group with Ms. Winehouse. They could invite several other of the world’s great and conflicted artists. Lindsay Lohan would seem certain to join. Together, they could share their joys and problems and perhaps, following in the footsteps of Dreamworks SKG, they could pool their talents to create a mutual support system for artists.

Called the Pain Exchange, the great artists of the world could offload their troubles onto another great artist, one who was more readily able to shoulder that particular burden. Ms. Winehouse could offload her predilection for excess drinking to, say, Laura Bush (truly one of the great performers of our time). Mrs. Bush could offload her troublesome daughters to Bruce Willis. While Mr. Willis could hand off his occasional need to wear a wig to Ms. Spears.

This eBay for the talented but troubled could eradicate star angst within months. More powerful than the View, more efficacious than Deal or No Deal, we would suddenly be confronted with a infinte happy galaxy.

As Michael Moore quite rightly says, here in America we don’t do enough to help each other. It has to start at the top.

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1 Comment

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One response to “How to solve the problems of some of the world’s finest artists

  1. Interesting indeed.

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