Why we are all Jason Born.

I have spent the whole day in the Pond, submerged in thought. Up to my neck in it. And it is all the fault of Professor Nick Bostrom of the University of Oxford.

Yesterday, he declared that there was a 20% chance that we are all living in one big computer simulation.

Yes, I laughed when I saw the Truman Show- it was written by someone who made his career in advertising.

It was no more believable than Wag The Dog.

See how submerged I am?

But if philosophers, people from Oxford University are now thinking that there is something out there controlling us, laughing at us, eliminating us when they’re bored with us, well, it puts a completely different complexion on 9/11, doesn’t it? Clearly not the work of Osama bin Laden, but of some teenage trollop with three ears and too many beers on the Planet Wakrap.

It is easy to laugh at Professor Bostrom’s suggestion. images-2.jpg

But not so hard to swallow.

How many of us feel alienated from our place and space in time? Alienated, see? They’ve even planted a word into our vocabulary to let us know that they’re out there having fun at our expense.

Alienation is just an inside joke.

Yes, we have been aliened. We are mere avatars being prodded by slackers in the stars.

No wonder psychologists don’t have the answers. They are being prevented from having them by the three-card monteists in the sky. Perhaps it’s just one of the rules of the game:


1. Score 10 points if you can get your avatar to be trusted by another.

2. Score another 10 points if the one who’s doing the trusting never finds out he’s being duped.

3. Score 10 points if if you can get your avatar to make a foo of himself once a day.

4. Lose 10 points every time your avatar is honest with itself.

5. Lose 1000 points if your avatar tries to act upon honest information about itself.

6. Score 50 points if you can get your avatar to agree to plastic surgery.

7. Lose 1000 points if that surgery actually makes them look better.

8. Score 100 points if your avatars self-delusion leads to marriage and the production of more avatars.

9. Lose 100 points if your avatar admits to feelings for the same sex.

10. Score 1,000,000 points if your avatar gets so frustrated with its ridiculous existence that it becomes an alcoholic.

Ever since I read the interview with the professor, I have been examining every one of my actions. Is there some dastardly celestial dope who makes me desire that greasy, morally inappropriate lemon scone at Starbucks? When I check the size of my love handles 23 times a day, is some pod-inhabiting tosser tittering at my tic (and scoring points with it)?

What does this mean for the remainder of my slowly submerging life? How can I make decisions which will be contrary to those of the controller? How can I possibly know what is in his poxy little mind?

Can you feel my dilemma? Or is someone telling you to?

See, the world should end right now. This is worse than not knowing the winner of American Idol for 24 hours.


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