There are those who ask how someone as sweet and thoughtful as myself could have ended up in this Pond.
I tend to choose a simple explanation: I was brought up with a lot of religion. It wasn’t my parents’ fault. They really believed all that Catholic stuff about divine mysteries, incense and the sanctity of the collection plate. They also believed that our parish priest smiled at me because he thought I was a sweet and thoughtful child.
So I am often sympathetic when people do things in honor of religion.
Be it crossing themselves after they score a goal or blowing themselves up to make a philosophical point.
According to Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, the Mormons (which is apparently a term the Latterdaycare hierarchy doesn’t entirely embrace) believe that when the second coming happens (I am guessing this will be some time around Mitt’s second term in office, let’s call it 2014) the world will be ruled from both Jerusalem and Missouri.
At least the Catholics chose Rome.
A city not entirely averse to a soupcon of glory.
But the glory that is Missouri is not one that has yet penetrated the collective consciousness.
So isn’t it more than a little interesting that more than 12 million people are prepared to believe that Missouri is going to become one of the two epicenters of global and, for that matter, celestial power?
I am not entirely familiar with all of Missouri’s attractions, though I did once have an assistant from Missouri. Though he was at heart a nice chap, in a Curb Your Enthusiasm kind of way, his personal hygiene was not up to that of a mole.
So I wonder what would will happen when Missouri and Jerusalem jointly rule the world. Won’t there be some tension between the Missourites, who might want their state’s primary product- beer- to replace the communion wine? While the folks in Jerusalem would surely insist that the St. Louis Cardinals change their name to the St. Louis Rabbis.
Or would it be that in a very short time after taking power, someone would need to call a summit to bring peace to a conflict that would far outstrip Cain and Abel in its ruthless depth?
I can easily see Chelsea Clinton being called in to do some expert mediation. It is clear that Chelsea has already been able to get extraordinary results.
If it is possible that Missouri can be so blessed, then surely we should not be ashamed to believe that Rupert Murdoch is a kindly being, Thomas Kincaid a great artist and Paris Hilton a sex goddess.
Will God turn out to be humorless or riotously funny? Will he turn out to be a Velvet Revolver fan? Perhaps we will be told from the roof of the Budweiser headquarters in 2014.
in the meantime, we in the Pond will continue to consider the angel whose golden plates were the divine inspiration for the Latterdays founder, Joseph Smith Jr., to translate The Book of Mormon into English.
His name was Moroni.
Honest to God.