Why Englishmen are so suave and sophisticated.

Many American women, Jennifer Aniston included, have succumbed to the charm of an Englishman. Even if he was a male model.

The English are gentle men. They open doors for ladies. They’re quiet. They’re polite. They are veritable Jameses in their ability to bond.

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Evidence of this unassailable fact greets us every day.

Why, only on Monday, 25-year-old Colin Read was fined 2000 English pounds. His offence was merely that he got upset when his wife failed to iron his shirt properly. Naturally, he took the iron to her. She found it a little too hot. Then Mr. Read realized he was hungry. He also realized his wife, Elizabeth, had not made him a sandwich. So he slashed her with a knife.

2000 pounds for that? Goodness, Americans would pay 2000 pounds just to watch that.

The judge in Mr. Read’s case declared that it was pointless making Mr. Read perform any kind of community service as he was ” too busy.”

However, you will be pleased to hear that yesterday 37-year-old Mr. Stuart Brown felt the long arm of the law.

He was convicted of throwing his wife to the ground and punching her at least 24 times. At least. When she managed to crawl to the phone to call the police, Mr. Brown ran out of the house.

Now the judge in his case came down on him hard:

“No punishment this court could enforce could come anywhere near the impact you feel this had on you, your profession and your colleagues.”

So he told him to pay his wife a huge sum of money.

500 pounds.

I can hear you thinking- people often come here to the Pond to think aloud- that these men were ignorant, impoverished, uneducated uncouths.

You would be right.

The jolly Mr. Brown is an anesthetics consultant. And Mr. Read was educated in Cambridge. Yes, at the University.

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