The Jewish Perfection Project.

I was moved by the words of one of America’s foremost intellectuals, Ann Coulter, on a recent television show hosted by a man who looks like he had plastic surgery.

She told Donny Deutsch: ” Christians just want Jews to be perfected.”

Donny Deutsch, who appears to be Jewish, was not exactly amused. He seemed to suggest that Ms. Coulter is stupid.

I was much perplexed by this exchange. I have had occasion to watch Mr. Deutsch’s show once or twice and found myself to suffer very quickly from attention deficit disorder as he continually removed and replaced his reading glasses. I felt like a horse trying to communicate to a particularly cruel farmer that he wants to be fed.

Ms. Coulter explained very brightly that it was not she but the New Testament that encourages Christians to perform a sort of reverse circumcision on the Jewish community.

The New Testament is a very large book and I have not yet found the chapter and verse that speak of Jewprovement.

This is because my eyes were sidetracked by a copy of the New New Testament that made Bernie, my mailman, almost suffer a circumcized bicep.

Yes, it was Vanity Fair, and its annual list of the world’s 100 most powerful people.

Of course, being of immigrant stock, I was always brought up to believe that the real powerholders, like the truths about your parents, never bask in any form of public light.

However, Joseph Aaron, editor of the Chicago Jewish News, decided to count how many of these 100 most powerful people actually went to Church. And how many prefer Schul Dinners.

It appears that more than half of the 100 most powerful people in the world are, in fact, circumcized. (Strangely, there appear to have been no Jewish women in the list.)

Mr. Aaron is sure that 51 of the list are Jewish. But, he says, it might be more. And he is excited. He explains that Jews only make up 2.5% of the U.S. population. Then he gets very excited:

“Talk about us being accepted into this society, talk about us having power in this society, talk about anti-Semitism being a thing of the past, talk about Jews no longer needing to be afraid to be visible and influential.”

Mr. Aaron then finds his Vanity Fair so unputdownable that he chances on an article, in the Talk of the Town section, that describes the huge and very nasty rivalry between the two most powerful men on Wall Street, Henry Kravis and Steven Schwarzman.

He first notes that these don’t seem to be two nice men.

And then:

“That’s sad, but that’s not what got to me. What got to me is how much these two do, how much these two give, to all kinds of good causes-libraries and museums and hospitals and universities and on and on, all mentioned by name in the article.

You read and see how much energy each puts into his charitable work, how much money each donates to charitable causes. Doing so, it is very clear, for the social status and clout it brings.

What is also clear is that it seems neither is involved in or gives to Jewish causes, at least not in any significant way.

That too tells you a lot about Jewish life today.”

But does it tell me enough? Why are these powerful Jews behaving this way?

Mr. Aaron is good enough to explain:

” We are such a part of this society, have such impact on this society and yet we’re always unhappy, always feel victimized, always kvetch about this and that. It’s always another Holocaust around the corner, there’s always the next Hitler on the scene, Israel is always embattled, we’re always worried, always scared, always sure the end is near.

Well, who the hell wants to join that little party?

Because we so squander all the good that has come our way, too many of us are simply opting to go their own way, to be part of things that don’t involve guilt and neuroticism.”

There we have it. In order to perfect the Jews, all Ms. Coulter has to do is remain chirpy. The Jews themselves will get fed up with their religion’s misery and give their money to happy, saintly causes like Ms. Coulter.

I believe Ms. Coulter already knows this. I believe her words on the Donny Deutsch Show were just one method she uses to entice the Jewish potentates of the world. (Men like a woman who can provoke them with the verbals, don’t they?)


I believe that, some time ago, she got together with a certain surgeon. I can only speculate as to whether that surgeon is Jewish or, whether, indeed, he knows Mr. Deutsch.

But, please, look at pictures of her very, very closely.

Doesn’t she look Jewish to you?


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