You must have had the experience.
Two strange things happen at the same time. And, soon after they happen, you begin to wonder if they might somehow be related.
The last time this happened to me was when a girl told me she didn’t want to see me any more and, on the same day, the Electric Light Orchestra played a live symphony or two in my home town.
This week, the two possibly-related events are the announcement of Norbit-like downward pressure on the American Idol ratings and the release of an old David Cook album. By, it seems, David Cook.
Despite his rugged good looks and wild, enchanting shyness, women aged 18-34 are deciding to turn to their Grand Theft Autos and karate lessons rather than view the great battle between David and, er, David.
As for children 2-11 (oh, yes, a vital Idol voting swing group) they are turning to, who knows, studying the Presidential debates on Daily Kos. Or applying for jobs as reporters at US Weekly.
Worse, last Tuesday’s exalted Mariah Carey joyathon managed to seduce fewer alive people aged 18-49 than any Idol Show since 2003.
What touching humility, then, for the ever-modest David Cook to choose this moment to release some of his imperfectly-formed warblings to the outside world.
Apparently, his 2006 opus “Analog Heart” might once have been available to street people and customers of the bar that he graced so nobly for some time.
How strangely the Gods conspire, though, when we discover that “Analog Heart” suddenly appears to be the number one-selling album on Amazon’s mp3 floor.
Slightly ahead of Mariah Carey’s new Jackie Collins paperback.
I can only imagine how the conversation might have gone between Cookie and his alleged friend and recent Idol aglumnus, Daughtry:
D: You’ve already won, Cookie.
DC: Yeah? The producers told you?
D: Nah. Forget the producers. You’ve already used this dumb TV show to gain credibility. It doesn’t matter if you win it. I never did, did I?
DC: So, what should I do, my really rich and credible friend?
D: Put some music out now, man. Get the people listening to the stuff you want them to listen to. While you’re still on TV. That’s what they’re doing by sticking all the shows up on iTunes, isn’t it?
DC: But won’t the Idol people get mad at me?
D: Too late for that. The show is on its way down. All that people care about is whether you and that creepy altar boy will get to the Final.
DC: But, Credible One, you told me “Analog Heart” wasn’t very good.
D: Having money is, though.
Oh, perhaps it didn’t go quite like that. But there is some snook-cocking going on here, surely.
Please imagine if Carrie Underwood had graced iTunes with 12 of her church recordings while she was still on the show.
It is reasonable to believe that the dirty-sneakered Idolmisers would have called any surviving members of the Saddam Hussein regime and asked them if they could borrow some of those hidden WMDs.
Now, they appear to stand and stare and try to find new ways of raking in the leaves that fall from the money tree. While they still can.
I suppose everything has to end.
But why must it end like the Batchelor, in a horrible dribble, rather than some vast mind-shattering eruption?
Why can’t Simon get Carly pregnant? Or David Archuleta turn out to be a girl? Or a closet Catholic?
Must the world always be so mundane?
I will be riveted to the Andrew Lloyd Webber special in the hope of some salvation.
I fear it may be in vain.
Don’t cry for me, Auntie Tina.
The Pond thanks joka2000 for capturing Mount Cook at dawn.