The Speech Barack Obama Should Give On Tuesday.

“My fellow Americans.

When you run for office you get asked a lot of questions.

And late at night, sometimes as late as three in the morning, you end up asking yourself some questions too.

I wanted to share with you the questions I’ve been asking myself over this last year.

What are the principles on which we should choose our President?

Should we choose as President the person who has the best ideas for our country?

Should we choose the person who has a vision for our future similar to our own?

Should we examine his character under the finest microscope before we make our decision?

Should we know everything he thought and did twenty years ago as well as everything he thinks and does now?

Should we demand to know why he wears a flag pin and why he prefers basketball to bowling?

Should we need to know what he feels about Paula Abdul as well as about the Dalai Lama?

Should we point out every contradiction between something he said a decade ago or more and something he said in his seventeenth interview last Tuesday?

Should we demand that the candidate do seventeen interviews every day so that he can find seventeen new ways to tell us what he believes in?

Should we demand that he never change his mind, never make a mistake, never express himself poorly and never do anything that we ourselves regularly do?

Should we pay less attention to the details of proposals and more to the details of the smile, the look and, especially, the laugh?

Should we believe that the ideal President is the one with whom we can imagine having a beer, a chat, a game of cards and, most important of all, a really good laugh?

And should we put our prospective President to the test of as many slurs, inventions and lies as our ingenuity can invent?

In fact, is the best President for our Great Nation the one who most determinedly and successfully fends off accusations, innuendos, rumors and lies for the longest period of time?

Is the President who can do that the one who will have the judgment to take America in the right direction?

Will the rest of world look at us and say: “Hey, he survived the Reverend Wright Scandal. He survived the slurs that said he was a Muslim. He survived the lies that he wasn’t really black. He survived the innuendo that he used to be part of a gang. So he must be the best guy they have.”?

Will those who want health care reformed decide the best person to do that is the one who can best find twenty-four different criteria to decide the winner of the Democratic Primary?

Does our political system champion those who know how to survive at the expense of those who have the right intentions, the right ideas and the right amount of idealism to take our nation to a place in which it finds its desires are recognized and its hopes are realized?

If that is the case, I find only one answer comes to my mind.

It is this.

If the best candidate for our presidency is the one who is most skilled at defending himself against the attacks, slurs, denigrations and lies of the willful, I wish to announce that today I will step aside and endorse Eddie Murphy.”

The Pond thanks jurvetson for visibly speaking out.



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2 responses to “The Speech Barack Obama Should Give On Tuesday.

  1. dashing4

    Hear! Hear! Eddie Murphy for President!
    At least his speeches would be so entertaining. I bet the FBI and CIA would utilize his talents as well. Just think of all the disguises he could come up with.

  2. thespine11

    Yes, Beverly Hills Cop becomes President.

    Now that would be a story.

    Trusting you’re not too despondent after this evening Castration.

    And I’m not talking about Hillary.

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