David Cook And David Archuleta. The Final Fan Verdict.

It is Tuesday. A day that used to be defined, and, some might say, infested by that curious rubberneckfest called American Idol.

So I thought I’d write the final and definitive sociological analysis of this curious show.

All the talk, hitherto, has been of whether Big David or Little David should win. Of whether Little David’s Little Daddy was devil-may-care or just plain diabolical.

But now I ask you all, you who chose to join fan forums like actors’ unions and post your enthusiasms like Christmas cards, you who believed a vote for Cook was a vote for the terrorists, to look in the mirror and examine yourselves.

Over the weeks, I have monitored the opinions of the allegedly normal human beings who chose to express themselves, one way or another, on this important social subject.

Here are the results.

What was curious was just how many of David Archuleta’s fans turned to the bile of a thousand abandoned spouses when noting just the merest trace of criticism of the curiously child-like warbler.

When one is Principal of the Pond Dwellers, one is free to approve people’s comments or place them into the corner of one’s desktop marked ‘Piddle.’

Though the Pond did not endorse either singer (although we were pressured by certain nefarious factions), though we were sometimes critical of both these imperfectly-formed performers, not one David Cook fan wrote with anything other than polite, enthusiastic disagreement.

On the other hand, certain fans of David Archuleta, all, it seemed who had aged rather longer and less well than the object of their infection, chose to access the parts of their mind labeled “death to the infidel.’

There were those who suggested I access both talent and education. There were those who wanted to forbid me access to the expression of my opinions. There were those who called me an f-ing, c-ing, b-ing- oh, please choose your own letter of the alphabet and turn it into a verb.

Why might this be?

What did Little David represent? There was the somewhat nice lady who said that, in twenty years, she had only listened to talk radio and classical music. Until she saw and heard Little David.

Which made me wonder how it was, if she only listened to talk radio and classical music, that she enjoyed the salvation emitted from Little David’s tonsils at all?

There was the commenter who said: “a lot of us are sick of the drugged-up losers, gang-bangers and sluts.”

I am not sure whom she was referring to. The Jonas Brothers, perhaps.

Yet David Archuleta clearly represented a return to something that had been painfully lost by so many of his fans. I don’t know whether it was hope, virginity, or some kind of control over all around them.

In any case, for sixty minutes a week and a 99-cent download, these people believed that someone was finally representing their own values.

There will be those who cannot wait until the day when Little David is treated for nervous exhaustion or knocks up Miley Cyrus out of wedlock.

But it is worth wondering how miserable must so many people’s lives be for them to lose all proportional emotion over a sweet, mechanical singer straight out of a high school end-of-year’s musical.

It is as if Oprah has ceased to inspire the appropriate solidarity. It is as if people have tired of Maury Povich’s ability to make them feel better by showing them individuals whose lives are more debased than one’s imagination could even contemplate.

Meanwhile, David Cook’s fans just want to have a few beers, some guilt-free illicit sex, to hear old slow songs sped up and gruffed and to forget that someone in authority made them feel like a worm today.

They don’t expect him to change the world. They don’t even expect him to date Kimberley Caldwell for very long. They just want something to stick in their iPod and wobble their fat to in a battle they know ends like every opera ever written.

I cannot end without wondering what went into some people’s minds as they trawled the web, searching for things American Idol.

I know that visitors to the Pond googled such literary phrases as “David Archuleta’s Dad talks about him being gay”, “what kind of cellphone does David Archuleta have?”, “how much money David Archuleta” and the quite inconceivable  “David Cook cock.”

This last gem was googled not once, but several times. And I would like to underline that the Pond never broaches such debased topics.

What has happened to these people? What microbes have infected their world?

And what can we possibly expect to see next year?

More of the same, quite probably.

Though I know there are those, those whose sneakers glory in dirt, who would welcome a final between a defrocked nun balladeer and a jihadist country singer.

I would, quite naturally, not be one of them.

The Pond thanks ingorr for this symbol of a David Archuleta fan.

Advertisements

33 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

33 responses to “David Cook And David Archuleta. The Final Fan Verdict.

  1. thespine11

    Kenny,

    Welcome.

    You are a haiku artist waiting for his day in the spotlight.

    Perhaps you have found it.

  2. melanie

    sorry but i think this is slightly (and by slightly i mean very) judgmental. i am an avid archuleta fan and have been since day one, because i can connect- on a deep level- with his music. i constantly listen to his songs, & when i’m not- i’m looking forward to it. but just because i love david archuleta’s music does not mean that i’m out there bashing david cook. he’s a talented guy too & i buy/enjoy his songs as well. they have 2 different styles of music & i certainly think there is room for both. they just so happened to be in a singing competition with one winner. so what? If you put Frank Sinatra & Usher in a singing competition, would the loser be a “loser” with no future in music? doubtful. but that doesn’t mean that you have to compare them either. (although if they did a duet i might even enjoy in more than cookie & archie’s version of “hero”).

    also, regarding your comment “But it is worth wondering how miserable must so many people’s lives be for them to lose all proportional emotion over a sweet, mechanical singer straight out of a high school end-of-year’s musical.” I just completely disagree! david archuleta has an amazing talent and brings something new to the table. just because you don’t recognize it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

    and just so you know, i’m not in the tween/granny demographic either. i just turned 22 and while my best friend votes for david cook because “he’s sooo sexy”, i vote for Archie because he’s moved me with his music, week after week. and he’s a standout guy. and if that’s so wrong to you, then so be it.

  3. thespine11

    Melanie,

    Hello. Judgmental? Well, indeed.

    Although I have never understood some of the contemporary interpretations of the word.

    Many, and you seem to be one, appear to believe one should not judge, should not express an opinion.

    How strange.

    I am delighted that you feel Little David brings something new to the table.

    My judgmental question would be: “What?”

    Not an easy one, that.

    You say he has moved you. I am glad. But to where?

    See, he moves me to indifference.

    But I am always willing to be corrected.

    Love to hear from you, Melanie. I hope your day is full of movement.

    Good Lord, I sound like Simon Cowell. I need a coffee.

  4. I’m glad Cook won. I just ordered a cool David Cook shirt from http://www.PantherTees.com. They said not to tell anyone, but here is a 10% discount code, pts10 (it is case sensitive, so copy and paste it). Enjoy!

  5. thespine11

    Kate,

    You scamming spammer, you.

    I am simply feeling generous today.

    But I cannot sink to a David Cook t-shirt.

    Not unless it said: “Archie’s Dad tried to change my song choices” or something like that.

  6. airb

    I’m sick of people explaining why they are Archeleta fans! If you heard him singing with just the sound it would be horrible.

  7. Amy

    Found your thoughts similar to the other anti-archie writers. So you don’t get him and you write about it. Many actually get and like Cook and Archuleta–they are different, they will develop their artistry in different music genre’s. They get and like each other.

    Getting Archuleta isn’t hard but you have to be free of age bias and open your mind to other types of music. It isn’t the tweens and old folks who get him exclusively.

    Notice that One Republic’s Apologize had a huge resurgence on Billboard after AI performance with Archuleta. The is a lot of buzz around about this that is positive for him.

    He won big in many ways during his AI journey and his natural charm, grace and maturity is manifesting itself bigtime during his interviews post AI–even some of his most ardent entertainment media bashers are doing an about face. His interview with Slezak and MTV Cantiello have done an about face.

    So lay off the kid or, better yet, scrub the age bias from your brain cells and pull the narrow music receptors out of your ears–you are missing something, my friend.

  8. thespine11

    Amy, oh, Amy,

    You make such splendidly sweeping accusations.

    You ask me to ‘scrub the age bias from my brain cells.’

    But is it really there?

    You see, it is very much as airb, above you, says so succinctly.

    If I listen to the Arctic Monkeys, without ever looking at them, I hear something powerful and moving.

    If I listen to Little David, without ever looking at him, I hear spectacular mediocrity.

    The Arctic Monkeys might be a couple of years older.

    But this is really nothing to do with age. It is, quite simply, that Archie doesn’t move me.

    Listen to Taylor Swift, even- she’s maybe a year older. But a lifetime more engaging.

    It’s just an opinion. It matters not one jot.

    However, the sheer vehemence of the Archie disciples is, I think, quite frightening.

    It reminds me of the sad souls of David Koresh or Pastor John Hagee.

    You know, the ‘if you’re not with us, you’re against us’ crowd.

    And you know what the worst thing about them is?

    No sense of humor.

  9. thespine11

    Hello, airb,

    You are very welcome here.

    I referenced your wisdom in my reply to Amy.

    These Archie people are a bit like the Jehova’s folks.

    It is all just faintly creepy.

    I hope your day brought you some freedom and joy.

    Perhaps a perfectly fresh blueberry muffin or something..

  10. Amy

    dear theSpine11:

    I thought I was engaging in intelligent conversation. My mistake.

    Keep drinking the koolaid.

    I am not one wit religious–quite the opposite

    All your tenents and beliefs are based on your flavor of koolaid

    peace brother – walk your own path

  11. “Getting Archuleta isn’t hard but you have to be free of age bias and open your mind to other types of music. It isn’t the tweens and old folks who get him exclusively.”

    What is there to get? He sings the same kind of sappy social conscience ballad week after week in a fairly mediocre manner. All he has going for him is an aww-shucks look.

    I could care less about his age. I just find him to be fairly average as far as good (but not great singers) go and he has little that makes him stand out from so many others that sing sappy ballads.

    And I must be honest, I was almost 99% sure that the tweens and teens would deliver and easily push him into the number one spot. I was shocked!

  12. thespine11

    Now, then, Amy,

    You enjoy listening to a broad spectrum musically.

    But, less, it seems, philosophically.

    Please have a squizz at Total Transformation’s wisdom.

    The simple feeling is that Little David just isn’t very good.

    It is something of a myth that teens and tweens love him.

    They left the show in far greater numbers than older folks.

    The average Idol viewer is 42. More of them wanted to return to 80s/90s rock.

    Well, if you believe that at least 20 million of those votes weren’t cast by the Idol producers themselves.

    Now those folks really needed a soupcon of credibilty for the show..

  13. Judy C

    Alright class, pipe down! I feel like I stumbled into the rickey.org site what with all the fussing, name calling and bad grammar.

    Pond, you are very naughty indeed! Put on the dunce cap and go sit in the corner at once, little Mister! I’d say “Poor Pond!” but I know you looked before you gleefully leaped into the nest of rabid Archie vipers.

    To the rest of you, “IT’S A TV SHOW! AND IT’S OVER!” Return to your homes, the excitement is over. Or you may want to check out TMZ where they’re doing a story about Clay Akin impregnating his 50 yr old manager.

    Moving on. Pond, if you are to be a successful SYTYCD critic you must have the correct air times and dates available for your 18 million fans. Thank the TV gods for TiVo or else I might have missed the Wed. episode from Dallas, where, according to Nigel we “represented” (I love it when he talks gangsta) by having nearly 50 contestants deemed good enough to go to the next level in Vegas. Oh, and did you see the folks in line wearing thermal clothing? See it does get cold in DFW. (I plan to address each and every one of your sarcastic remarks, eventually)

    The Thursday show was good as well, altho Lost was better. I don’t think there’s enough to SYT to keep my attention tho. At least not enough to force me to actually remember names and “dance stuff”. What about you? We may just have to continue to chat about David Cook and Kim from Houston. Do you think she was one of the ones googling “David Cook’s cock”? I’m just saying……

  14. thespine11

    Kim is from Houston? Good Lord, that explains so much.

    You are, as always, a fountain of joy. It is cloudy here today and I needed a quick spray.

    Yes, I saw a little of the Dancing show. Perhaps I will write something about it later.

    Cold in DFW? What a strange thing.

    And where do you stand on local boy Scotty’s revelations?

  15. Judy C

    Well, it’s not cold today, Pond – in fact it’s 96 and humid, as in rain forest humid. There’s a Texas Horned Frog out by the pool gasping for breath and fanning himself – won’t get in tho, seems the chlorine is bad for his warts. A relative of yours perhaps?

    Hey, there’s lotsa good “stuff” in Houston: Rice University, some actual rice (huge Asian contingent there), NASA, U.of St. Thomas, the Rockets, my friend Randy, etc.

    And, yes, Kim is not the brightest little thing, bless her heart, but she’s so dang friendly and funny, y’all gotta love her. Plus she’s cuter than a little fat speckled puppy. And, to her credit, her dyslexia is less advanced than co-anchor Justin Guarini’s who actually has to have his cue cards printed upside down and backwards in order to read them. Still, she and DC make a darling showbiz hanger-on couple, don’t they? I sorta thought she had the hots for Justin, but then he’s more likely to look for a date in the men’s room – where is George Michael when ya need him? Oh, that’s right, he’s in Dallas with his partner hanging out at the Ghost Bar with Jessica and Tony Romo.

    Where do I stand on Scotty’s revelations? I stand in the dark on both Scotty and his revelations. Do elucidate please. Is he the brother with the Princess Leia hairdo who was giving the four letter lip to Mary last night on DYT? I blew right past that, but I’m thinking I probably agree with whatever bad stuff he had to say to or about Mary. Her and her hot tamale train, what a complete fool, surpassed only by Nigel.

    I’m cranky, Pond. I may be having AI withdrawals, well, Jason withdrawals. Altho we did see him yesterday cruising slowly down the Rockwall avenues in a bright red Cadillac convertible with his little brother and sister waving to the crowds gathered to welcome him home. Not sure about the actual numbers, but it seemed like 4 or 5,000 folks showed up, which, when you consider the event was held at 5:30pm on a Thursday afternoon and it was like 100 degrees outside – is impressive.

    Anyway, after the ride, he then disappeared into the marina and reappeared 30 min later at The Harbor ampitheater sailing slowly into dock on a very sleek 50′ sail boat. He hopped right off, jumped on stage and got the crowd riled up with “Deep In The Heart of Texas”, then sang a few of his favorite tunes. Nice to see his pretty face again.

    I’m heading out to eat some veal Jerusalem, so I’ll say bye. Have a nice weekend, hopefully filled with lotsa golfing.

  16. thespine11

    I am that Frog gasping for breath, Judy. That grouchy, steaming Frog.

    Scotty, my sweet. Scotty McLellan. Just wrote a book about what it was like being the White House PR chappy.

    You probably dated him once. I mean, come on, he’s from Texas. And male.

    How lovely that you caught up with Jason. Perhaps you could cougar him up at some point.

    Where does one eat Veal Jerusalem? In fact, what is it?

    And why do you never cook? You always seem to be dining out. Is the freezer apparel business that good? Or do you come from cash?

    No golf for me this weekend. But some arty people coming to the house to look at, oh, dare I utter the word, alleged art.

    And then Sunday I get to see The National.

    (ask your kids.)

  17. Judy C

    Lightly breaded veal in white wine sauce, a Roman specialty. As to cooking or lack there of – I do not cook. Plus, we had a kitchen remodel, all that lovely granite and stainless steel, don’t want to get it dirty.

    Yes, a bit of cash background on both sides, since you ask. And yes again, just think about it – it’s refrigerated clothing for God’s sake. Mr. Husband has the only game in town, and here’s all these chilly soldiers and lawmen all over the place to keep warm, and these many, many lovely gigantic 4 block long frozen food warehouses to supply. Besides, people eat out all the time here – it’s not just for the rich and famous. But, we try not to eat out more that 3 tmes – a day. Why do you think two of the “fattest” cities in the US are Dallas and Houston? And why do you think it’s called “Big D”?

    Prepare yourself, I can see I’ll have to google you again. Since you’re having a “showing” that must mean you’ve gone and drawn something. Painting, traveling, blogging, closing deals. How do YOU find the time to cook, or eat for that matter? Do you, like Ross, own slaves?

    Oh, THAT Scotty. Well that’s just boring. And old news. What sane person doesn’t know when they’ve been manipulated? We didn’t care, ya see, we were out for blood and didn’t really care whose. Did you actually buy and read this book?? What is wrong with you? Can you not find a copy of People Magazine? They will deliver ’em to your door ya know? But, no, I don’t recall dating Scotty, altho the guy from SYTYCD who was spewing expletives at Mary did look famaliar.

    Following are the rules for future use of “first names only” in our correspondence: Must be someone we’ve spoken about previously, and someone who is interesting and lovely, and/or someone from Texas. So, you may simply say Jason, Dubya, Ross, and now you may say Scotty, if you must.

    Speaking of Jason, nope, he’s just a sweet little boy, and tho very pretty, not lust worthy. He actually prayed before his little mini concert yesterday. I find that endearing. Besides I’m a happily married woman – not a cougar. Altho I do know and admire a few.

    Oh Pond, I’ve been meaning to tell you how much I enjoy your photos! Other than the Encylopedia Britianica from 1940 I can’t imagine where you get those marvelous pix! (I’m not a good speller – you may have noticed – I know Britianica is spelled wrong – more n’s or something – yet I refuse to investigate, nor will I be watching the National Spelling Bee )

    OK, I know you quit reading long ago, but I’ve got a big day tomorrow, so I’m off to bed. No art citics coming, but a baby shower to attend – we ladies love ’em – and afterward a select few will splinter off and head to an early showing of SATC. So, good luck! I do hope you’re good enuf to earn positive reviews, Pond.

  18. thespine11

    A baby shower and Sex And the City?

    Your poor children. What on earth do they have to put up with?

    Thank you for the compliment about the pictures. I work hard to create a fully artistic delivery here at the Pond.

    No ordinariness allowed here.

    I will confess I am not a good cook. But only because no woman has ever stopped to teach me. I am a very, very willing pupil. In all kinds of areas.

    I do not own slaves. If only. I have a Brazilian cleaner, whose sister used to be married to Gary Condit’s cousin.

    Hmm, tell me about the cougars you admire. What do you admire them for? Their technique? Their dress sense? Their taste in boys? Or their taste in plastic surgeons?

    I really do feel I have reconnected with the set of Dallas.

    It is a most rewarding experience.

  19. Pingback: Great David Cook Article Links | David Cook's Fan Site

  20. Judy C

    My idea of a “cougar” other than the one leaping off the bonnet of my Jag of course, is a female who is older than the man she’s dating or married to. Am I wrong in this?

    When it comes to “boys”, as you wrote, that’s a whole different ballgame. (heh heh)

    So, Miriah Carey could be classified as a cougar, right? since she just married a guy 9 yrs younger, as would Kim Catrall who, at 51 is living with a 21 yr old guy. I guess even I might be considered a cougar since Mr. Husband is 5 yrs younger than me.

    I so like the idea that after watching all these paunchy old farts hang out with or marry nubile young blondes who are basically looking for a meal ticket, that it is now socially acceptable for older ladies to try our little manicured hands at this fun game. Altho I do notice that while the males were never tagged with a zoological term to reference the practice, females who seek out younger blood are now referred as cougars. I guess we need to come up with an animal name for the old guys – hmmm – how about jackass?

    Not to worry about the offspring, Pond. Weekends are nothing but great fun and games for them, spent jet skiing, tubbing and swimming at Grapevine Lake with Mr. Husband, Uncle Matt and lotsa cousins and pals, even joined by dear old mom after the scorching sun sets. I am, of course, accompanied by a Brazilian hunk with a cool mist sprayer and a fan . Perhaps a cousin of your cleaner?

    The shower was actually fun, Pond. Played word games. We were given pencils and paper, a timer was set, and we then had to write down as many words connected with babies as we could think of in a given amt of time. Who do you think won? The only drawback, as far as I could see, was that the prizes we won – different sorts of baby supplies – were then turned over to the guest of honor. I say, when you win you need a prize you can use.

    Why wait for a female to teach you to cook, Pond? I’m assuming you learned to like food by yourself? I gotta say, cooking is highly overrated. Just continue to eat your California rolls as served up by your local eatery and skip the cooking class. It’s a risky business, all that heat, grease, bad oystes, etc. and then someone has to clean it all up. A no win situation. Go out to eat, or order in – always.

    Oh, no, we haven’t even scratched the Texas mentality surface. It’s an amazing place which I’ll delve into one of these days.

    Have fun with the artsy gang today, Pond.

  21. thespine11

    My dear Judy Cougar,

    Five years younger, huh? He’s 48? Well done. You really must be a woman of even more charms than I could conceive.

    I loved the sentence “when you win, you need a prize you can use.” I don’t know why it seemed to naturally follow the tale of your hubby:)

    But your definition of cougar is not quite mine. I think of cougarism as more older, dolled-up gals who hang around in bars TRYING (and sometimes succeeding) to pick up younger men.

    They bat their eyelids and their necks jiggle in harmony.

    No, Judy, I need to know how to cook. I need to. This is very important.

    The Texas mentality. Ah, yes. I was thinking of flying to Austin this week- although the weather seems to be 100 degrees. How do you put up with that?

    Easily, I imagine. Like everything else.

  22. Judy C

    The age thing is not exactly right, Pond,(besides, I distinctly recall advising you not to put in writing any female’s age) but we’ll blow past that and get right to cougaring.

    So, don’t you think a couger is the same as a jackass (my term, but apt I think)? And, what parts of old guys jiggle when they’re in the act of trolling for younger chicks? Well, other than the obvious.

    Serously, what is the difference, other than not having some derogatory term coined for when an older guy is hanging around a bar trying to pick up much younger females?

    And do I detect you sneering at the cougaring process – what with “batting eyelashes and jiggling necks” and all? What’s up Pond, have you had a painful cougar experience? A dewlap injury perhaps?

    Speaking of pain, how did the art boys like your stuff, Pond?

    You do not need to cook, Pond. Really. It’s messy and smelly, plus you have to purchase equipment, books, even an APRON, for God’s sake! And do you think they even make trendy aprons??? And it’s dangerous! Yes, you could cut something off or burn some body part. And the results are not consistant, there will be that occasional lump in the sauce. I urge you to avoid cooking at all costs. I promise you that Macaroni Grill and PF Chang’s are as good if not better than a home cooked meal.

    As to your ability to concieve charms, I can’t really speak. Nor would I, modest little non-jiggle necked cowgirl that I am. Besides, Mycroft, you said you “found” me, or was that the site where I posted Lisa Simpson’s cartoon face as my photo?

    As to visiting Austin – 6th Street awaits you. But the temps will indeed be 100ish, so I’d say wait until October b4 taking on Texas.

    We Texans know how to live in this heat. We go from the air cooled house, to the cool car, to the cool mall/restaurant/movie/plastic surgeon – very little sweat involved. We will venture outside in the heat, if we must, but there must be lotsa shade, a body of water and cool beverages close to hand at all times.

    Mr. Prize Husband and I visited the Banf area in July a few years ago, with an idea of getting away from the Texas heat. Well, there was a record heat wave in progress throughout W. Canada, like in the 90’s! for days! and the Banf Springs Hotel had NO a/c! We had the same experience at Pyramid Lake Lodge and Chateau Lake Louise. One would think the Fairmont family could afford to cool a room for which they charged $500 loonies per night.

    I take issue, by the way, with having my little burg referred to as a “retirement” village. In fact, the average age of the inhabitants of Trophy Club is around 40! How many retirement villages do you know of that have 4 baseball and soccer fields, a skateboard park, grade school and a high school within it’s city limits?

    As to Brad and Angelina, I agree, the stalker like interest in everything Jolie-Pitt is completely insane. Altho No. 3 on the list seems reasonable, after all, who knows where those cameras have been. Or the cameramen, for that matter.

    OK, Pond, I’m off to watch whatever my faithful TiVo recorded for me earlier this evening.

  23. thespine11

    But you see, judy (non) jiggler,

    i was not defending sad old men at all. jackasses is a very fine term. i was merely describing the ladies about whom you are so splendidly, clintonially defensive.

    Painful cougar experience? oh no, not I. truly.

    art boys? once they’d had a few drinks, i’m not sure they really looked.

    i’m sorry, but i really do need to learn to cook. i do get fed up of resaturanting all the time.

    i can see that you and your husband are very good at inspiring heat in all that surrounds you. i shall not ask the obvious questions, but merely will admire the concept.

    now I did look up that trophy club and noticed that the alleged membership is under $10,000. my, how do they keep up the facilities on such a small fee?

    or do you mow the 18th green once a week?

    so austin in october, huh? Oh, it can’t be that bad right now, can it?

    how many retirement villages do I know?

    Hey, how about none, my sweet?

  24. Judy C

    But I bet you’ve learned a valuable lesson, huh? Next time it’s etchings first, THEN the single malt.

    Well, it depends on WHY you’re coming to Austin, and if you can manage to hide inside cool air conditioned homes and cars during the day and only go out at night. If this is a trip to hear some good music and/or see a girlfriend, then by all means fly on down, but do not go out in the noon day sun, Pond, even tho you are an Englishman.

    But everything is cheap here in DFW, Pond, by California standards. You can get an upscale 3500 sq ft house w/pool on a golf course for under 400K, or a lakefront condo for under 200K on any of the area’s 30 or so lakes. Also a country club membership is usually 10K, or you can buy one from a departing/departed member for even less – with no mowing involved. All my West Coast pals are continually amazed at how much our dollars will purchase here.

    But it’s not very scenic here, Pond. No sweeping mountain vistas, lovely Redwood forests nor cool, misty rock strewn beaches (I cannot wait to get there – in only 16 days!) .

    Unless one goes to the Piney Woods area of E Texas, the Hill Country in and around Austin, or the shores around Corpus Christi and S.Padre Island, it’s pretty unappealing, scenery wise, and hotter than hell for 3 months a year. So mostly it’s people from Milwaukee and Chicago who move here and live cheaply in DFW.

    (feel free to skip the following topography report)
    Of course for the last coupla hundred years the locals have endeavored to turn this prairie into a forest, with good results. And, large stands of indigenous Post, White, and River Oaks are everywhere, along with a zillion Cedars, Bois d’ Arc and Mesquite Trees. And contrary to popular belief, there are lotsa lakes and rivers here, and many creeks and streams gurgle happily along thru the trees. So, it’s much nicer here than say, Oklahoma.

    (Facetiousness Alert!) Mr. Prize and I are, in fact, a very”hot” couple, according to our pals and my mirror. I’m hotter than he, but after I dress him in his flowing pastel linen shirt, fashionably wrinkled white linen slacks and those woven leather Italian sandals, well, then he’s up to scratch.

    Really, cooking? Is it that you’re tired of eating alone in restaurants, Pond? Remember, you’ll still be eating alone at home. But if you can get Maria Brazil to clean up after you’ve destroyed the kitchen, that’s one point in favor of cooking.

    But, really, Fish ‘n Chips, we gotta find you a woman to dine with. I’ve suggested before that you go forth to the bar and just stand and pontificate in the middle of the room – did ya try that? American women do love a nice British accent – you don’t sound like Clive Owen, do you? I hear him saying stuff but I can’t catch a single word. Anyway, when the women began to gather round you, have printed anti-marriage disclaimers to hand out, and voila, you’re in the dating pool.

    So, how can you learn to cook, quickly? You can’t. It’s a process, long and involved. Do not tell anyone, Pond, or I’ll deny it, but I actually used to cook. I’d give you some of my old recipes but I know you don’t want to cook Southern style do ya, Sugar? Fried okra, creamed corn, mashed taters, buttermilk biscuits and fried chicken w/cream gravy?? And of course Parker Country Peach PAH (that’s Texan for pie) with Blue Bell Double Vanilla ice cream for dessert, washed down with sweet blackberry iced tea. I know it sounds good, but you will die immediately after eating.

    So, then, why not watch Rachel Ray? I think I’ve noticed she has some cooking show currently on the telly. I don’t believe it’s mandatory to wear radical Muslim warior scarves while cooking, as she does, so don your non religious/political, unattractive apron and turn on that little TV in the kitchen, and go for it! (Hit the “record” button so when you screw up you can replay and see where you went wrong.) And buy only T-Fal pots and pans, (available at Macy’s). See, I’m helping, right? Oh, and, get a new fire extinguisher, Pond. I would hate to have to find someone new to annoy if you went up in flames.

  25. thespine11

    Woven leather Italian sandals? Poor, poor man. he must dream about the fridge overalls.

    Hot couple, huh? So, like, you’re the local drug dealers?

    My trip to Austin was supposed to be mostly pleasure. I have always been fascinated by the place.

    I have been a little busy. I am now live, I believe that’s the technical term, on news.com. With something called Technically Correct..

    http://news.cnet.com/technically-incorrect/

    as usual, I have no idea what I’m writing about..and this probably shows.

    I don’t know how much time I will have for the Pond in the near future, what with all the other things I try to do. we will see.

    when precisely will you be invading the Bay Area?

  26. jcast

    Pond, do I detect a bit of insecurity? I cannot imagine you’re out of your depth, could it be the “live” part that has you on the edge of you lily pad? Besides, it’s only the unwashed masses that don’t know what you’re writing about, you almost always do.

    I will check out news.com’s Technically Correct and you may be sure that I will offer my totally unsolicited but frank opinon of you efforts – if possible. Being neither technical nor correct I may falter here.

    Sad to see you jumping the pond, tho. I will miss your clever postings and our charming inability to stay on topic. I was complaining on my blog just today that you were ignoring me, but then granted you total absolution because you are such a busy fellow.

    Yep, Austin is a very fun and interesting place. Many of my friends went to school there, and every single chance I got I’d sneak away from my highly restricted Catholic university dorm and head to Austin and the biggest party school in the world.

    Austin is an odd mix of old west ambience and conservative, old oil money, red necks and music lovin’, football playin’ freaks, with just about as many liberal academics, old hippies, artists, politicians, and middle class families. Oh yes, and BATS! It’s like a bizaare little melting pot. What’s your favorite thing about Austin? What or who is it there that facinates you, Pond?

    I’ll arrive non invasively in Seattle on June 18, and depart from San Jose on July 1. And other than those two dates in those two cities I have no idea when I’ll be where. Mr. Ken Doll Husband, who never wears pieces from his own clothing line, btw, plans all our vacation adventures in such great detail it’s some work to keep on schedule. So, in rebellion, I am, in the words of Tom Petty, “free falling” down the West Coast for two weeks with 3 of my favorite people.

    Loosely planned stops after leaving Seattle are: Columbia River Gorge Resort in S. Oregon; Weaverville and Mt. Shasta area in N.Cal. (Bigfoot country ya know)where relatives have an orchard with several cabins; San Jose – more relatives; and San Francisco where my oldest friend lives in a converted warehouse that offers views of the SF skyline from his roof.

    Well, then, toodles, my friend. I do hope we’ll chat again. I cannot imagine not sharing snarky remarks when “THE TWINS” actually arrive, or when Britany Spears goes off her meds and eats one of her young, or if John McCain is actually elected President. Best of luck in your new endeavor!

  27. Judy C

    Hi Pond,

    I sent you an extremely funny, interesting and beautifully written comment (I can say all that cuz it’s lost out there in cyber space) but inadvertantly typed in one of my aliases in the required name field, so in technical terms, it was a “no go” .

    Anyway, the upshot is that I’ve so enjoyed our little chats and will miss you now that you’ve jumped the pond and moved on to c-net. I’m not sure I can offer comments with my usual skill and profound depth on a site whose name includes the words “technical” and “correct” as I am not, in any possible sense of the words, either.

    And so, I will bid a fond farewell, wish you good traveling to Austin – one of my fav places in the world – and good luck with you new endeavor.

    I will be watching and reading, tho – in fact I must say I’m still snorting re your take on Net Flix’s astonishing assumption that they are able to know and find “people like you”.

    Should you ever wish a somewhat twisted take on the eventual birth of “THE TWINS”, or when (not if) Brittany goes off her meds and devours one of her young, I am, as ever, available.

    Oh, and Pond, cool picture, but next photo shoot do take off the sunglasses. Like a stray approaching a Old English Sheepdog, how will we know whether you’ll bite if we can’t see your eyes? Toodles

  28. Judy C

    Oh swell, now both comments appear. What an ignominious way to “sign off”, with redundant farewells.

  29. thespine11

    Oh, I’m not disappearing completely, Judy. Just won’t be able to write here as often.

    YOU have a blog? why have you not directed me to this august establishment?

    I have never been to Austin. This is what fascinates me. There are a few places that, in my mind, still do.

    You must call when you’re in the Sf area…I need to warn the troops.

  30. Judy C

    Troops, huh? Sounds like my kinda fun, sorta like fleet week in NYC.

    Since you so kindly invite me to call when in SF, I will happily do so. Your phone number appeared conveniently right beside your name when I googled you – seriously dude, is this a good idea? I’m assuming you approved this astonishing lapse in privacy? In these days of mad stalkers and serial axe murderers, most of whom live in your immediate area? But, on the other hand if they will call before appearing on your doorstep I guess it’s ok, and very polite. You’ll have time to fix up a tidy tray of cheese and crackers, open a nice bottle of red, lay in tourniquets and medical supplies, and alert 911 before they arrive.

    Oh I see. You aren’t going to actually drain the Pond? This is good news, indeed. While I enjoy your alter ego’s musings over on c-net I find it not quite silly enuf for my extreme silly and shallow tastes. Altho the idea of hissing at solar cars did catch my attention. It’s odd, but here in Solarland, where the sun blisters 24/7, there are NO solar cars – none. We all still drive Cadillacs, Hummers and Jaguars. A Texas thing.

    My blog, huh? Well I’m still considering whether to go public. My closest friends and relatives say it is way too personal and way too derisive and hyper-critical. They fear for my literary safety. But, because this opinion is unanimous, I may just go ahead and publish – maybe. I’ll let you know – I’m sure you are just panting at the prospect. It’s lurking there, marked private, but waiting and wanting to escape. (I tend to blog when cranky and irate.)

    Following is travel/tourist info for your upcoming visit to Austin. It’s long, so just print it out, fold, and carry with you as a sorta insane travel brochure.

    Oh well, since you’ve never been, you must head off to Austin at once. You should stay downtown in one of the cool old hotels.

    Of course you must go to the UT bookstore on campus under the stadium and buy yourself several burnt orange ball caps identifying yourself as a Longhorn fan. Once back in CA. wear this cap at your own risk cuz you will be accosted constantly by complete strangers coming up to you in the most unlikely and far flung places, with outstretched hand, saying insane things like “Howdy friend! How ’bout them Horns?” The attention is such that you must constantly recall what’s on your head or else you’ll think you forgot your pants.

    Me and Mr. Husband, wearing his UT cap (and his pants), were in Alberta basking in the spectacular beauty of peaceful and serene Lake Louise when we started hearing whistles and howls coming from a passing canoe, echoing off the lush purple mountainside. You guessed it, some good ole boys from Texas, who apparently can spot a burnt orange cap from 1/2 mile away. It’s actually rather endearing. Texans are absolutely the friendliest people alive and always assume you just can’t wait to chat with them. (If they say anything about your “funny” accent just tell them you’re from NORTH Texas.)

    Next you must go to the far North side of Austin and eat at Margarita’s. Altho I must tell you once you cross the border into Texas you can get excellent Tex-Mex food and fabulous Margaritas just about anywhere. Eat lots of this rare food, you can go back to sushi and veggie pizza when you get back.

    Then there’s “the drag” (6th & 7th Sts.)where they “encourage weird”. You’ll just have to experience it on your own with no spoilers from me. Wine bars are literally thru every other door, and the variety and quality of music will astound you.

    The capitol building is a must see – it was purposely built a couple of feet taller than the US Capitol building in DC – gives you an idea of the mentality here – and the ceiling looks like the Sistine Chapel, only with cowboys instead of naked cherubs.

    Have fun! And don’t forget the bats. Congrress Ave bridge every evening – follow the crowds. Sounds hokey but the sheer numbers amaze. I expect a full report! Yee-haw!

  31. T

    I found this gem of a blog on a search for David Cook tickets – which led me to another page, which linked to your blog with a rather intriguing article about David Cook’s ****. So, you see, I had to try out the search, and lo and behold, here you are, and here I am ROTFL. Ironically, you led me down the dark path of which you speak. I never would have thought to search for such a thing had you not planted it in my mind. Since I didn’t know for sure which 4 letter word I needed to search, there is now another dirty google search. I hope the corruption of my sould weighs heavily on your conscience. 😛

    BTW, I’m from Austin (no, really) and it IS fascinating here, and WAY TOO HOT. We stay in the pool or the AC – I can confirm it to be true. This month it’s been close to 100 degrees every day – a treat usually reserved for August and September.

  32. thespine11

    I am laden with guilt about what I have done to your soul, T.

    Please accept my heartfelt apologies.

    I was certainly unaware that there were that many four letters words that substituted for male membership.

    I can only think of two.

    Yes, I really must take a trip to Austin. It does sound like a very wonderful place.

    Despite the heat. Presumably it’s humid too, so tough to play golf in?

    Thank you very much for joining this little pool party.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s