SYTYCD. For the last eighteen, the thigh’s the limit.

So I have tried to learn some of the finer points of So You Think You Can Dance.

It appears to be very difficult for dancers paired with God Knows Who and having to perform God Knows What.

And then to be judged by Tia, Maria and God Knows Why.

There seems little favor given for the performances of the week before, though, if I am not entirely mistaken, I detected a touch of the splits along sexual lines on the subject of the delightfully named Kherington.

This girl appears to have many years ahead of her before she can enter a pub, yet she combines an inviting, unprotectedly attractive face with thighs that could support the Leaning Tower of Pisa for many years.

Hell’s Teeth appears to appreciate that. Tia and Maria appear to loathe it with the venom of a pregnant rattlesnake.

Once Kherington performed her emotional waltz with perhaps the first waltzer in history named Twitch, it was hard for me to concentrate on any other part of any dancer’s anatomy than his or her thighs.

Kherington has apparently played a lot of soccer. I suspect she was particularly good in dead ball situations.

In fact, it is clear that all of these people’s thighs could have single-leggedly brought down the Berlin Wall.

So much of their balance and lifting ability depends on the foundation that is their quadricept and hamstring that sometimes I fear that we will suddenly see cracks develop in a dancer’s legs, as if an earthquake has rumbled halfway through a rumba.

Each dancer seems to accept the manifest rumbling inequity of the competition with all the fortitude reflective of real life. Some dances bring out the best in them. Some dancer make them look, as Chris did krumping, like a sheep in wolf’s clothing.

Of course I have my favorites. None of them white boys.

Will and Joshua appear to have the most originality amongst the men.

Amongst the girls, well, did I mention Kherington’s thighs, I mean, her lines?

The biggest problem some of the girls appear to have to whether to let their energy levels exceed those of their more tentative and depth-challenged male partners.

Those that don’t, get penalized. Those that do, risk accusations of excessive individualism.

How convenient that the judges eliminated one whole pair.

This leaves each existing pair having already got used to their partner’s chips-inflamed breath and armpits sweatier than a rookie giving the Pope a haircut with garden shears.

I am truly beginning to be mesmerized by So You Thigh You Can Dance.

The Pond thanks rightee for finding a physical expression of a physical miracle.

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “SYTYCD. For the last eighteen, the thigh’s the limit.

  1. Judy C

    Alas I’m traveling (currently in San Jose) and have been depending on Tivo to keep track of SYTYCD. So, I can’t say much about your comments. But I will say one thing – you got a thing for thighs, dude! This is not a deal breaker or a sin or anything but I just thot I’d mention it. Now, you do know it’s the way the dancer actually executes the dance rather than the size of their thighs, right? Oh no, gotta go set up Guitar Hero to keep the adult children entertained.

  2. Judy C

    I’m back – not at all good at Guitar Hero! Now if it was Piano Hero, I’d kill at that.

    So are you saying that my fav, Mark, sucked on SYTYCD? (just so I can watch for it) And giggle giggle, “Hell’s Teeth” – perfect! Can’t wait to get home and catch up.

    I do have 2 things to mention b4 turning in: guns and smoke. Yay for the gun thing passing (you’ll recall I’m from Texas).

    And secondly – man I’m tired of this smoke! We came thru Weaverville today and had less than 1/8 mile visability! I’m scared, Pond! I’m going home to Texas where you can see forever (nothing to look at, mind you, but you CAN see). And there’s only the occasional grass fire (started by the constant gun fire, ya see).

    SJ is relatively smokeless, altho it’s gaining on us. I’ve gotta say the CA leg of my trip has been “unsightly” cuz all the sights have been obscured – not even a glimpse of Mt. Shasta! Between the fires and the snow pack we’ve been short changed on vistas. Oh well, maybe next time. Washington and Oregon, however, were spectacular – as usual.

  3. thespine11

    Oy, you were supposed to call me, weren’t you?

    You’re not leaving Cal already, are you?

  4. Judy C

    Nope, not leaving till Monday. And I will call you, in spite of my friends saying you are probably a serial killer. To which I say no, I’m sure there’s a specific question regarding serial killing in the work history portion of the c-net employment form. But they answered back that people often lie on employment forms, to which I replied not in the case of serial killers cuz they WANT to be recognized for their quality work. Besides c-net, being a news organization, surely recognizes a serial killer when they see one.

    We’re headed into SF soon for some Brazilian concert or other (we’re told we’ll love it). In Santa Cruz today, smoke bothering me. Who knew I’d long for the ozone laden atmosphere of Denton County TX?

  5. thespine11

    I will look forward to your call, then.

    Serial killer, moi? Ah, I thought you knew me.

    I slay dragons, not people.

    Just got back from Robert Plant and Alison Krauss.

    That girl can sing.

    And I mean Alison Krauss.

    So call, let’s do lunch or something…you’ll have your bodyguards, yes?

  6. Judy C

    Robert Plant – he must be great at Geriatric Hero! I’m improving, can now do Hit Me With Your Best Shot relatively well. I know you’ve been praying I would get past the Pat Bennitar stage on Guitar Hero, so you’re prayers are answered. Plant is in my very distant future unless I have a fit and throw the funny little plastic guitar out a window.

    Oh fine, I’m being dragged to some obscure samba concert when I could have gone to see Robert Plant and Alison Krauss??? Traveling is hard, Pond. I’m also forced to wear an ugly knee corset due to a smoke related injury in the Trinity Alps. Possibly a ligament injury – whom do I sue? Trinity Alps Wilderness authorities? Smokey The Bear? God? What next? Will I be forced to listen to Iron Maiden’s new cd? What’s that old adage about not being able to chose one’s relatives?

    So I’m hobbling around with this thing on my knee which has a pouch for ice packs – handy – but makes me look like that picture you posted re giant thighs, but on one leg only. So I may be relegated to hanging with the less mobile of our eclectic little gang for a few days. ECK!

    But I’m determined to visit with the local dragon slayer if at all possible. I won’t tell “them” you’re a dragon slayer cuz some of them are radical PETAs and others may break out the Slayer tapes. See what I’m forced to contend with? Plus there are cats here who walk on your head when you’re trying to sleep! What’s up with that? I’m scared, Pond. California has become a strange and smokey place. Oh, but I have thot of one good thing to come from all the fires and smoke: the almond growers won’t have to smoke their crop after the harvest this year! See, glass half full!

  7. Judy C

    I’m back, and everyone is getting ready to head for Santa Cruz for the day. I’m afraid I heard the words “Herman’s Hermits” as being the entertainment on the beach tonight. Once again, I’m scared, and almost glad I have to stay home with my knee elevated, being alternately iced and heated, also I have a MRI scheduled in awhile.

    Afterward I will be entertained by several of the locals, and tended by the help who promise to keep me fed and watered, and the remote control and lap top within ez reaching distance all day. I would have a nice view of the mountains off the deck but smoke is intruding.

    Hopefully tomorrow I’ll come to SF and give you a call – we’ll see if I’m mobile by then. The bodyguards don’t like this idea at all which makes me all the more determined, as if visiting with Pond weren’t enuf of a reason to call.

    If mobility is still compromised, the prospect of getting home becomes a nightmare what with airport wheelchairs (eck! who knows where those things have been?) and pre-boarding with all the screaming kiddies, old grannies, etc. Meanwhile I look like some lumbering Bigfoot creature limping around. I am disgusted, Pond, plus I have a smoke cough! Your CA is not being very good to me.

  8. thespine11

    I will look forward to hearing your dulcet tones, Hopalong…

  9. Judy C

    The good news is that my knee is badly sprained but nothing seriously wrong. I realize you have been kept up nights wondering.

    The bad news is that my brother-in-law was so sure you were a “bad idea” that he LOST the bookmark I’d written your number on! And since we were out and about in San Francisco b4 heading to the airport, I had no internet access. If I had paid closer attention to the somewhat daunting arrangement of letters in your last name I would have been able to get your phone number from “information” and we could have perhaps met for a drink before our flight out. My bad.

    I know you are heartbroken, Pond, as am I, but do try to carry on. Next time either of us is in the vicinity of the other we shall prevail. Meanwhile, my in-law, Dr. God, is on my “list”, a very, very bad place to be. My parting comment to him was, “thanks so much for your hospitality and care, you control freak a**hole”. He has much to answer for as I he also lost my place in the book I was reading.

    I am now back in the land of no smoke and no scenery, and after greeting several two legged and 4 legged family members am preparing to watch several hours of tivo so that I may see what’s happening in the REAL world of dance contests and soap operas.

    You, I assume, are preparing to cover the Olympics, yes? Congratulations to Spain or whoever won your little soccer game. (heh heh)Nice coverage, btw. How you can manage such passion about something that to me seems so boring is among the many things that are beyond me.

  10. thespine11

    Does your brother-in-law have an address?

    He deserves thumping.

    I am glad you will walk again, but sad we did not see each other.

    We would have been amused.

    And your brother-in-law would have learned to read and write.

    When he filled out the hospital forms.

    Yes, Spain winning was good.

    And what will you do for July 4?

    Drink, eat and be polite?

  11. Judy C

    Heh heh, I should send you his phone number and address so you could accomplish just what he is deathly afraid of – a one on one with someone outside his little clique of clones. He’s an orthopedic surgeon with a surgeon’s ego and attitude (altho Dr. Kno-it-all erroneously diagnosed my knee injury as possible ligament damage or tendonitis – HA! MRI showed him up).

    He even mentioned my scheme to meet up with you, (he called you “Judy’s on-line stalker friend” – heh heh) to my husband when he called one day. Mr. Husband of course laughed till he fell over at the very idea of someone “directing” his wife to do (or not to do) anything. But of course Dr. Ego soldiered on shouldering his self imposed “responsibility”, namely controlling me. Eck, what a prig.

    You are absolutely right, Pond, we would have had a swell old time, just snickering away. But, I do get to San Jose several times a year, and next time I’ll keep my on-line stalker appointments to myself! I’ll just abscond with Dr. Ego’s Mercedes one day and we’ll do lunch. But seriously, dude, you need to rethink the spelling of your last name. Add a vowel or something, the family won’t even notice.

    Now, on to to really interesting stuff: SYTYCD!! Comfort boring???? Have you run mad?? An untrained street dancer who can keep up with all those over trained kids??Puleeze! Just cuz she doesn’t have blond hair and “thunder” thighs does not mean she’s boring, Pond! Please adjust your dance meter to appreciate small, dark and fierce. Besides, if Hell’s Teeth doesn’t care for Comfort that’s a point in her favor.

    And I want your job where you get to stand next to Uma Thurman – she’s my idol. A non traditional beauty and with a giant brain, no less.

    If you recall, from day one I said the two to watch were Comfort and Mark. Mark is so fluid and elegant and at the same time sexy, quirky and jerky – love him. And those giant ears of his act as a counter balance. (I obviously have a thing for slim, dark and foreign.)

    Just got back from the “big” 4th of July parade sponsored by the Trophy Club Chamber of Commerce, the highlight of which was a guy on a segue-way pulling a tricycle with a monkey peddling away. Get the idea now?

    Pals will arrive later to swim, drink and eat, and watch the fireworks off our veranda, then tomorrow all the kiddies will have their turn eating hotdogs and watermelon, and swimming. So I will need extra Mimosas to fortify myself. How about you? What’s on the Pond’s agenda for the holiday?

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