SYTYCD July 3. America loses its sight.

I watched the performances and then the results one after the other.

So You Thigh You Can Dance had its first truly difficult moment.

A case of shoulder prejudice.

That nice, tall, blonde girl should never have been in the bottom three.

She had a face like Uma Thurman and was significantly better proportioned.

(I once stood next to Uma in the bar at the Baltazar and her torso was as long as the Mississippi. While her legs were shorter than a coke-addict’s attention span.)

Kourtni Lind was, I think, her name.

And she was rather broad across the clavicles.

Apparently America was not fond of this.

Hell’s Teeth was clearly not happy, as he would have preferred to deport the rather dull Comfort, whose solo resembled a Thursday Tourette’s Night in an Indiana bar.

Yet he was overruled by Napoleon and Josephine, expressing solidarity with a fellow hop-hipper.

Maria sided with them.

May I say, as an insanely late arrival to these mesmerizing proceedings, that I am finding Maria’s voice slightly less soothing than a power drill being slipped into my right nostril.

Her high-pitched, maximum-decibeled screech would not only break the panes of Notre Dame Cathedral.

It is also powerful enough to sever the heads of small animals.

I am sure that Toyota could design a car powered by this polluting energy source.

However, I am dwelling in the wrong wigwam by even mentioning things negative.

The dancers again provided more inspiration in this one week than all of the American Idol contestants in the last seven years.

There was that Chelsie (why must they all spell their names like, well, masseuses?) girl, a ballroom dancer allegedly, inspiring the most exalted emotions while performing a routine entirely removed from her own metier.

To think that Sanjaya Malakar, as metierless as any supposed artist on the Idol show, managed to take Stevie Wonder and create an algae pudding out of his music.

He still made the Top Ten.

His equivalent in So You Thigh You Can Dance would be scratched from the auditions like a wayward zit on the bottom of a supermodel.

If you consider that Comfort and Thane, the least inspiring of the remaining dancers, still have more talent than any Idoler other than Jennifer Hudson, then you might ask yourself why you have allowed yourself to watch the Idol Torment in such numbers.

Rubbernecking, perhaps.

But rubbernecking is not theater.

Twitch, Mark, Courtney Shortney, Gev, Kherington, Will, Katee and Joshua all managed, in one show, to do something that lifted both the spirits and, albeit temporarily, the quality of something that masquerades as art on the flat screen.

I remain fascinated by how these temporary marriages the producers have created will develop.

How is it that dancers can instinctively give to each other, often making each other better in the process, while singers in the supposedly equivalent show contrive to surround each other with nothing more than the sad niff of mediocrity?

The world is not a fair place.

If it were, America’s iPods would be full of Joshua, Will and Kherington, rather than the beige bilge provided by the Whites and Archuletas that fog our ears and just very slightly disturb our digestive systems.

The Pond thanks kalandrakas for reminding us of the power of harmony.



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9 responses to “SYTYCD July 3. America loses its sight.

  1. Judy C

    Big night tonight, Pond. Who do you think will get the axe?

  2. thespine11

    Farewell, Comfort and Thayne.

    At least that’s what I hope, Jude.

    Are you dancing yet?

  3. Judy C

    No surprise, Pond, for as we all know from AI, if “Hell’s Teeth” doesn’t like someone they’re history. I can’t say I’ll miss Thayne, that crocodile smile of his was almost as fake as Nigel’s. But Comfort I’ll miss. She was a bit lackluster last few dances, but I was amazed how long she kept up with the “real” dancers.

    Mark is still my favorite. He’s a cross between a matinee idol and a Kabuke actor. And that amazing flexible body and great form are wonderful to behold. Hope he manages to hang around awhile longer. Altho I notice the judges favor Will.

    Speaking of judges, what’s up with that Mia chick? She’s rapidly becoming the Paula Abdul of SYTYCD with all her off the wall remarks and strange mannerisms.

    And Nigel!? He has caught up and now surpassed Simon as the King of inappropriate comments. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any stranger the judges are once again becoming the focal point instead of the dancers. Even Kat is getting strange. I LOVE IT! I wouldn’t be at all surprised to tune in next week and see screechy Mary and mad Mia in a full-on cat fight, and Nigel and Kat rolling around on stage having hot sex while all the dancers stand around doing “jazz hands”. Now THAT would be worth watcing.

    Hoped you took my advice and caught the premier of USA’s “Burn Notice” tonight. It’s sorta like McGyver meets Dick Van Dyke. Clever, tricky and witty. And, coming soon, Saving Grace on TNT. You gotta watch it Pond.

    What’s up with you? Learn to cook yet?

    Ok, must go check and see what other surprises my TiVo has in store.

  4. thespine11


    Have you been at the drugs again?

    Vicodin that was supposed to be for your knee? Or something a little stronger?

    Nigel and Cat getting it on? Lord, no.

    Afraid I missed Burn Notice. Your description of it makes me feel glad I did.

    I tend to watch less TV in the summer. Except for baseball, that is.

    I have not learned to cook yet and this is, quite naturally, getting me down.

    It’s hard being complicated, isn’t it, Jude?

  5. Judy C

    Well, yes, it’s hard for Heather Graham being complicated, but not for us, Pond. If you insist, check out “30 minute meals” on-line.

    I didn’t say Cat would be a willing participant, only that it wouldn’t surprise me. But I’m content and happy Mark is still in the running – he is lovely and his perky little partner, Toto, too.

    Baseball on TV? OMG! Even the kids won’t watch baseball on the tube, and they actually PLAY baseball – Ive got a really good little catcher in the family . Do you play, Pond?

    Come on Pond! Be adventurous and watch some lite summer time TV. Just tell TiVo to grab a Burn Notice or two along with Saving Grace and The Closer. Then you can watch ’em at 3 am when you can’t sleep. You’ll see, they’re smart and funny.

    Saw “Wanted” with James McAvoy – REALLY good. A nicely manicured thumbs up for this fast, furious and fun romp. (Did I just sound like Roeper?) Next we’ll see Hellboy, then Mama Mia, then The Mummy in 3-D! Yay, can’t wait. I can smell the popcorn now. Have a nice weekend Pond!

  6. thespine11

    You have a really good catcher? Will he make you some money one day?

    Saving Grace and the Closer? Oh, no. I don’t think so. My tolerance only goes so far.

    Wanted? Gratuitous violence it looked like to me. I did see Wall-E this week, though.

    You really do have the most idyllic, indolent life, don’t you? Not a worry in the world and food and entertainment at your fingertips?

    Is it the guilt that keeps you awake?

    You see, I am never awake at 3am…

  7. Judy C

    Don’t be such a TV snob, Pond. You blog about SYTYCD and American Idol for God’s sake! How lofty can your tastes really be???

    Absolutely! Wanted was all about gratuitous violence, and sex too – and your point? I go to the movies to be entertained and titilated, I wanna laugh, have fun and be thrilled. Mundane drama and worldly woe I can see every day – I just look around me. Point in fact: it’s been 4 years to the day that my sister died after a VERY short bout with cancer. She was 1 yr and 9 days older than me, and we were inseparable. I am still in total shock to lose anyone, but especially one so close to me and so young. How could that happen?

    I called her widower and two kids today to commiserate. This could be a contributing factor to my insomnia, I guess. I think about her all the time, especially at night, and I worry and wonder if she’s ok – or what??? She was much like me, but nicer, (altho not as good looking – or as vain). Ever lose someone close, Pond?

    You now sound like the priest at my church who preaches that I need to feel guilty for having, if not an idyllic life, at least a very cushy one. Well, I don’t feel guilty at all. I have entitlement issues, you see. I tried therapy, enjoyed it in fact, but it interferred with my nap schedule.

    I got a speeding ticket yesterday!! The nerve of that silly, fat cop. I actually think the only reason he stopped me was cuz I was in the Jag, the peon! He was ugly too, and bit his fingernails – eck! And he was leering down the front of my blouse too, the creep. I thot the speed limit was 35 so I was only going 43. Turns out it was 30 – but still! Go catch a crack dealer, jackass! I’m telling my lawyer on him.

    Yes, if he keeps it up, my little catcher may just play HS ball, then maybe take his game to UT – have to wait and see. He’s pretty darn good tho, amazing concentration for one so young.

    So, what are you up to this weekend? Did you cook anything? Mr. Husband cooked outside – hey, ya know you should get a grill! You can throw just about anything on it and it’s wonderful. He cooked the entire meal on the grill – ribeyes, corn, asparagas – then I just threw together a salad. Yum. That’s the answer to your cooking woes, Pond. See how helpful I am? Always thinking of you.

    Alright, I’m going to go see about sleeping, even tho I know it’s not gonna happen tonight. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

  8. thespine11

    Not a snob, Jude.

    Just that time is precious.

    I am very concerned that you are a church-goer, Judy.

    Despite that, I hope you slept well.

    As for the answers to your other question, how about I write to your lfc address?

    That work for you?

  9. Pingback: Bookmarks about Sight

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